Monday, February 27, 2006

We Didn't Win!

They said it wasn't based on popularity, but they displayed the winning votes at the end. Well, what are you gonna do? At least Beyond You & Me made it to the finalist round! Better to get that far than not at all. And thanks to all our fans for voting, and congratulations to the bewitching Magdalena for winning "Best Sex Blog"! Oh, Darling, you are both beautiful and slutty.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006


Although the term "polyamory" wasn't invented until the 1980s, the idea is old: loving more than one person at the same time. While Cassie would never have thought of herself as on the cutting edge of social change, she is actually way ahead of her time. She's an early Feminist, and her sexual adventures are not only more radical than most of the women of the 1970s, but put her squarely in the tradition of ground-breaking trendsetters.

Today men and women have a variety of choices about their love lives and sexual identity. Whereas Cassie was mocked by lesbians at Yale for being a "fence sitter," and "refusing to choose," women today can love whomever they want, and don't even need a label. There is even a cachet now to being bisexual, something that definitely wasn't there when this novel takes place.

Taking a break from Chapter Five, I wanted to provide some links to sites about polyamory, including the beautiful cloisonne pin shown above, which can be purchased from the Poly and Proud website (along with t-shirts that harken back to the 70s with slogans like "question monogamy").

The most prominent poly sites are "Poly Matchmaker," "PolyLiving" and "Polyamory Weekly" (a podcast of polyamory topics and fun stuff). "Poly Matchmaker" has lots of information about "ethical non-monogamy," and is also something of a dating tool for those who want to meet others with the same ideas. From all I could gather, polyamory is not the place to meet casual sex partners: there's a strong disdain for casual sex in some of the things I've read.

Indeed, polyamorists (or "polys" as they prefer to be called) are often confused with swingers, yet their goals are more about relationships than casual sex. So their sites and writings tend to sound like those from the early GLBT movement, including "coming out" to friends and family, and legal protection, including a desire to have group marriages. Cassie would've thought she'd died and gone to heaven if she had been able to have P. and S. under one roof.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Sex Films for the Rest of Us

I really don't like porn films.

They're boring. I don't care if the people are "objectified," and I think it should be clear by now you won't find any reservations about sex on this site. It's not that adult films are objectionable on theoretical grounds, they're just not interesting. Commercial porn is formulaic: the same set-up, the same obligatory positions, the usual "money shot" to prove the dude actually had an orgasm. Yawn. They never show a man so excited about his lover that he comes right away, it's always "iron man triathlon sex."

That's why, when porn sites write me asking to trade links, I don't even answer their emails. I'm not trying to be rude, but you don't "get" Beyond You & Me if you think it's just about sex.

Comstock Films is making movies about sex that break all the rules of gonzo porn, and I want the fans of Beyond You & Me to know about these exceptional DVDs. "Xana and Dax" (the couple pictured above), along with "Marie and Jack," are films about real people in love/lust. Not only is the sex hot, but the film is edited in a way to show the genuine sparks between the lovers. Director Tony Comstock uses attractive people who aren't models, and who have an emotional connection, not a financial incentive, to have sex on camera.

Director Comstock doesn't mind if his work is considered porn, since the sex is quite explicit, yet he's clearly making movies for a different audience than the Chatsworth, CA adult film industry. For all the "couples" porn being made, it's still mostly from a male POV. Fortunately, you can either purchase the DVDs from the Comstock site, or rent them from X-RENT DVD. Currently there are four titles: two heterosexual, one lesbian and one gay. I watched "Marie & Jack" and "Xana & Dax." The first one was a little talky, as the two people described their careers in adult films and how having sex on camera has changed their private romance ("a little more vanilla"). The sex was a bit too quick to unfold, but Marie and Jack are both very attractive and at ease in front of the camera doing intimate things (Jack looks like a young Michael Keaton).

"Xana & Dax" is about a younger man with a slightly older, more experienced blond (see photo above). Hell, she could be Cassie a few years after Yale, it was quite unnerving watching her. The sex was hot, the couple seemed to enjoy themselves (her eyes rolled back in her head at one point), and I definitely recommend it.

Comstock has one other film in the editing process you can purchase in advance for half price. All in all, these movies are a big improvement over commercial porn.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Sex Week at Yale!

How can I resist flogging "Sex Week at Yale"??

Friday, February 10, 2006

Chapter Five (part 5)

(continuing the "all nighter" conversation between Cassie and her lovers P. and S.)

"But when I say 'dog,' I mean a real dog," S. interrupted. "And Humpty Dumpty says in a scornful tone in Through the Looking Glass 'When I use a word, it means just what I choose it to mean.' What of that?" I told you S. and I connected on many levels. Hearing him bring up the same example I'd thought of made me shiver.

"We have a collective understanding of what words mean, but you don't mean any particular dog. We agree on what certain words signify, but then fall down right away with terms like 'make love' that can mean something besides fucking. In the 19th Century, it meant 'court' or 'flirt.' Nietzsche, and after him Heidegger, tried to break the iron chains linking our words to real objects. Heidegger especially wanted to get back to a cleaner, more basic philosophy by going back to the beginning of philosophy with the pre-Socratics and Heraclitus."

"Heraclitus? He's the dude who tells us we can't step twice into the same river, cor-rect?" S. cracked me up using slang like "dude" with his clipped Teutonic accent.

"Cor-rect!" P. smiled. "Heidegger liked Heraclitus precisely because he's obscure. With such dark and suggestive shit to work with, Heidegger can make him say whatever he wants."

"Sounds like ventriloquism for the over-educated," I whispered loud enough for P. to hear.

"You're correct, too, Cassie. Heraclitus has become a sort of ventriloquist's dummy." He nodded at me, and we exchanged a look that can only be shared by people who've shared the most intimate and profound of loves.

"Yes, well Heidegger had a habit of saying things he'd later regret," S. interjected with sudden bitterness in his voice. "How inconvenient letters signed 'Heil Hitler" survived the war. Nazi collaborators are not too popular among my generation."

S. lying in my lap might sound sexy, yet it was really more like putting an arm around a friend. P. puts his head in my lap when we watch TV— that's something altogether different. Besides, the three of us weren't thinking about things sexual then, at least I wasn't, we were lost in the life of the mind where the body falls away and only the intellect remains, at least for a brief time.

"With Deconstruction," P. continued in stride, "we use tools already within a text to subvert its assertions."

"Subvert?" S. parried, "I like subverting things, especially morality."

"Be careful, Stefan, of the contradictions undermining what we say. Insisting you want to subvert morality is more troubling and ambiguous than you might imagine."

"Sounds ominous to me," I almost shuddered. "Yet so many things we'd been warned about by our parents turned out to be less than fatal: marijuana, sex, dirty books. Just what IS bad for us, and how can we know?"

(to be continued)

Monday, February 06, 2006

The Purity Test p. 2

I took the "Purity Test" with Cassie in mind (remember, the lower the score, the more degenerate your life has been).

Her score was 60.8% What's yours?

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

The Purity Test

(photo courtesy of the toilet museum

Here is the infamous "Purity Test." The lower the score, the more degenerate your life.
It's a gas.

The Purity Test

Who can guess Cassie's score?

(photo courtesy of Magdalena)